It’s really weird. I’ve wanted my fathers family to give a shit about me my entire life and now my grandfather has started talking to me and I don’t know what to do. He’s not begging for my forgiveness, he’s just talking to me. Like everything’s okay. And on the one hand he’s an old man and I don’t want to be a dick but on the other there’s still a lot of explaining that needs to be done and I can’t help but get some of my hurt out. I literally never talk about my dad because I always felt like showing interest was not only pointless but I also feel like it’s being disloyal to my mother in some way. So now I’m having these conversations and talking about family members I didn’t even know existed and I’ve even asked one or two questions about my dad. Nothin major but it’s a massive step for me. It’s just pretty scary. Like it was all behind this locked door that I completely shut out and now it’s started coming out and when I get my hopes up and when it all goes to shit and he still doesn’t care about me what am I supposed to do then? I have this picture in my head of how sorry he is and how everything will be okay but I know that’s not going to happen. I don’t want to be stupid enough to let this hurt me again but I’ve spent my entire life closing every one off even my myself and I just need something to change. I need to stop hating myself for what he did to me. I need for him to tell me it wasn’t my fault. To treat me for once in my life like I’m not invisible.